I have sat here at my computer for the last 20 minutes trying to figure out my next post. So, I'm going to just start writing. Two weeks ago tonight I started this blogging thing and was very excited to spend all day Monday putting it together, but that didn't happen and it has sat the same way for two weeks.
That same Sunday night as I worked on my blog, my dad started to not feel good and by morning he had passed away. When my mom called to let me know... as the tears streamed down my face, I actually asked her if she was joking. How dumb is that? As if it is something anyone would joke about, but I didn't know what else to say. After I got off the phone with her, I sat numb on the floor and then called my husband at work. As soon as I heard his voice, I lossed it. All I could say was... "He's dead. My daddy's dead." Jim was home within about 20 minutes and had me on a plane to California that afternoon.
When I got to California that night and we gathered as a family, there was an overwelming sense of unity and love. There were phone calls and flowers coming from everywhere. We talked a lot about the will of the Lord and how we know that Heavenly Father needed dad for something greater. My dad always said that he wanted to work really hard up to the end of his life, go out of this world with his hair on fire and in his sleep. He did ALL of that. He was only 57 and he promised he was going to live forever. I sooo did not see this coming. I did okay for the time I was in California, but being back home has been a challenge. I have had a hard time being away from my mom, brothers and sister. I can't seem to get my emotions is check and I feel very useless from so far away. Someone will say hello to me and I start to cry. My dad's brother called me tonigt and said that he was just checking up on me. He knew that my dad would often call "just to check up on me."
I haven't wanted to leave my house much and when I finally ventured to Walmart for groceries, I found myself starring at something on the shelf for several minutes before realizing I wasn't anywhere near what I was looking for.
My mom has been Super Woman strong and I hope to someday be half of what she is. My parents have taught us to walk with "Faith in Every Footstep". To put the will of the Lord before our own, to walk a little ways into the darkess and the light will come. I'm very grateful for the Gospel and the plan of Salvation. It doesn't make the shock or pain any less real, but it does give us comfort. (If we let it) My heart hurts and my "hay fever" is out of control, but I know that if I will go to the Lord, he will help me.
Sorry this is so long and you will probably hear a lot more about my dad. For now... good night.
That same Sunday night as I worked on my blog, my dad started to not feel good and by morning he had passed away. When my mom called to let me know... as the tears streamed down my face, I actually asked her if she was joking. How dumb is that? As if it is something anyone would joke about, but I didn't know what else to say. After I got off the phone with her, I sat numb on the floor and then called my husband at work. As soon as I heard his voice, I lossed it. All I could say was... "He's dead. My daddy's dead." Jim was home within about 20 minutes and had me on a plane to California that afternoon.
When I got to California that night and we gathered as a family, there was an overwelming sense of unity and love. There were phone calls and flowers coming from everywhere. We talked a lot about the will of the Lord and how we know that Heavenly Father needed dad for something greater. My dad always said that he wanted to work really hard up to the end of his life, go out of this world with his hair on fire and in his sleep. He did ALL of that. He was only 57 and he promised he was going to live forever. I sooo did not see this coming. I did okay for the time I was in California, but being back home has been a challenge. I have had a hard time being away from my mom, brothers and sister. I can't seem to get my emotions is check and I feel very useless from so far away. Someone will say hello to me and I start to cry. My dad's brother called me tonigt and said that he was just checking up on me. He knew that my dad would often call "just to check up on me."
I haven't wanted to leave my house much and when I finally ventured to Walmart for groceries, I found myself starring at something on the shelf for several minutes before realizing I wasn't anywhere near what I was looking for.
My mom has been Super Woman strong and I hope to someday be half of what she is. My parents have taught us to walk with "Faith in Every Footstep". To put the will of the Lord before our own, to walk a little ways into the darkess and the light will come. I'm very grateful for the Gospel and the plan of Salvation. It doesn't make the shock or pain any less real, but it does give us comfort. (If we let it) My heart hurts and my "hay fever" is out of control, but I know that if I will go to the Lord, he will help me.
Sorry this is so long and you will probably hear a lot more about my dad. For now... good night.
11 comments:
Becky...that was a beautiful post. I am so sorry all of this happened. I know he is doing amazing things still! He was and is a wonderful man! I heard the service in California was beautiful Wish I could have been there.
Becky, your post is a sweet tribute to your dad and your faith in the gospel. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am sure you have heard this a lot over the past few weeks, but it is true. Please, let me help in any way I can. I would love to have your kids come play if you want to have some alone time or go to the temple-- whatever. Love you!
Dayna
I won't even try to know what you are going through and i'm so sorry for your pain. Your Dad ment so much to so many. You will find the strength you need, I know you will. XOXO Love you!
Becky, I loved your Dad. He was truly an amazing man and a wonderful example to all how we should live our lives. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. So many great memories have come to mind and I truly wish I would have been able to be there last week. You are doing all you can by trusting in the Lord, he will certainly get you through this.
All my love,
Denise
Becky~ Beautifully said!! Your dad is so proud of you! When I tell my friends at work about him, I tell them he was the only person I know that was the most like Jesus. He has all the the best attributes and is a shinning pillar to all!! We loved him and found this so unbelievable as did so many others. Just know that we love all of you and think of you often. Love you and your beautiful family!!!! Kim
Becky,
I enjoyed growing up across the street from your family. Your dad was an amazing example to me and he will be truly missed. He raised such a beautiful family and now you have a beautiful family of your own. Take care and remember all will be well. You are in my prayers:)
Julie
Becky, you did a wonderful job of expressing yourself in this blog under such excruciatingly painful circumstances. To say that we are still in shock would be putting it mildly. We love your family and will always hold dear the memories of your dad and the influence that he had on our family personally. He was an example to all who knew and loved him of Christ-like service. How do people endure trials like this without the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives? It's hard enough WITH it. But thankfully, we know that Families Are Forever, and that you're family will be reunited again one day. What a day of rejoicing that will be for all of you. I really appreciated the words your uncle said at the service, knowing that your dad would feel the same way, that in fact "things are as they should be." Our family has truly been blessed for having known and loved the Hadfield family. I know your dad is very proud of the woman you have become. You have a beautiful family. We love you, Becky. All Our Love, Gail & Brent
Becky, I cried reading your post, loosing a parent would be very hard, the pain would be unimaginable! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
Melissa
Becky-
I love you and I am so extremely grateful for your friendship. Your dad and mom raised an amazing woman and I am so so happy I get to be friends with that woman.
Becky, you truly raise the rest of us up with your faith and strength in such a time of sadness. Your dad shines through you and I know how proud he is with all your actions and choices. I hope you know how much I love you!
Becky this is Kati I wanted to tell you how much we love your Dad. He is such an amazing man and had a heart full of love. We wish we were able to make the services and just to let you know you are in our prayers.
~Kati
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